Friday, September 7, 2012

6 Lies Told By The Keansburg Amusement Park and Runaway Rapids Family Waterpark Brochure


1) Rapids are actually not "runaway" at all, but flow safely and predictably into the Lily Pad Pool.

2) "Birthday Parties are our specialty." No, their specialty is actually defensible network analysis and in-depth statistics on how business data services are used by global enterprises, but they also do birthday parties.

3) Keansburg Amusement Park was the only section featured in New Jersey Magazine's annual "Best of Jersey." The Keansburg Runaway Rapids Waterpark was featured in "Girls And Corpses."



4) "Keansburg Amusement Park is filled with dozens of exciting rides..." At last count, there were 23 exciting rides, which doesn't technically qualify as "dozens." The only other ride that can be considered exciting is the main high pressure pump room, if you break in and sit on the primary piston.

5) That one kid is actually a fiberglass sculpture of former Clinton political advisor George Stephanapoulos.

6) "From french fries to fresh baked pizza, jumbo hot dogs, freshly made hamburgers, homemade waffles with ice cream or warm funnel cakes, everyone will find something they love." 


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