Thursday, December 30, 2010

EADJ Surprising Hostility: "Magic" Wine Holder

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."
-Arthur C. Clarke, "Profiles of The Future", 1961


Today we direct our enmity towards any cantilever-style or so-called "magic" wine holder.

Why? Well, it's hard to articulate exactly what's so fucking annoying about these things, but here's a general walk-through of the logic of any person who buys one:

1) Oh wow! Look at that wine bottle holder! It makes it look like the bottle is floating!

2) But how does it work? Magic?!

3) Oh, I see! The piece of wood forces the heavy bottle to act as a counter-balance, and the angle of the base of the wood ensures the stability of the cantilever! How surprising and utterly elegant!

4) I've got to decorate my condo with this wine holder! This will both show off how sophisticated I am and baffle my douchebag friends!



So people who buy these things aren't only idiots when it comes to basic physics, but they're also eager to show off the fancy bottle of wine they bought.

When it comes to level of taste, I think I'd have to categorize the "magic" wine bottle holder with Patrick Nagel prints, halogen lamps, and those posters that have a rose on some piano keys.


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