The Awful Maternity Gift Guide

Are you an expectant mother? Do you have terrible taste in gifts? Then read on, as EADJ presents two of the worst possible gifts you can give or get as a mother-to-be.

3D/4D Ultrasound Frameable Photos


Why wait for your baby to be born to clutter your shitty apartment with photos, when you can do it now with creepy undead mummy photos of your fetus! It's a fantastic, unnecessary invasion of your child's privacy– just like when you'll search their room for booze in their tweens. Gollum! Gollum!
Item #854334666 ..............................$65.00 for 14 Color Pictures and 8x10 Color Enlargement



Mama's Belly Bronze Bowl


Commemorate the distended abdomen of the mother-to-be with this bronze casting, which can be used as a bowl. A bowl you can eat Quaker Oats oatmeal out of. Or a bowl you can use when changing the oil in the garage. Or a bowl you can serve a fresh salad in to your horrified guests who will never come visit you again. Or if your child has a ginormous head, a bowl you can use to force them to get an unattractive bowl haircut. You are a terrible mother.
Item #A843P3612 .............................. $1300.00, PLUS tax and shipping. Good Christ.