The following was cut and pasted from Joel's Facebook profile page:
1. I have eaten dick from all seven continents (penguin dick for Antarctic).
2. Whenever I cook, I often throw a pinch of dick in any of my dishes.
3. Two time Daytime Emmy winner Tom Pelphrey.
4. I am morally opposed to porkpie hats.
5. A bouncer once yelled in his headset, "Let in the dick eater."
6. I have never eaten two dicks at once. Dilutes the experience.
7. My screensaver is a basket of kittens morphing into Glenn Danzig.
8. How do I manage to eat dick at work? I don't have a job, silly!
9. I am also known for my voiceover work. You might recognize my voice in L.A. radio promos for XTreme Truckfest 2009 and Megawrestling Vendetta VII on Pay-Per-View. I'm so lonely.
10. I have trademarked the phrase "Let me cup your balls whilst I eat thy dick, Sailor.™"
11. Extreme poverty once forced me into eating the dick of railroad hobos. But you know, it wasn't that bad once you got past the smell of coal.
12. You know those little mallets that people use to crack open crab shells in seafood places? I use those on my balls.
13. A friend once talked me into being the "back half" of an elephant costume so we could sneak into a government facility.
14. Radio Shack helped put special settings on my GPS for finding the nearest dick.
15. Unfortunately, the only options on the Chipotle menu are chicken, steak, carnitas and barbacoa.
16. Some dude once put Vicks VapoRub on his dick before I ate it. Refreshing!
17. I convinced my chimp servant Chad Yarborough to wear red satin shorts during dinner parties so that his chapped scrotum doesn't distract.
18. I can play Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 3 in D minor, Op. 30 without flaw. Except I have to eat a dick while playing. I had to repurpose one of those hands-free harmonica holders.
19. For every dick of men named Dick that I eat, Golden Corral donates $5 to the March of Dimes Foundation.
20. Dick Hootenanny. Now there's an idea.
21. People have sometimes asked me if I also eat balls. No, that would be gross.
22. Nutritionists have never confirmed whether dick is good roughage or not. They never call me back!
23. Never try to eat dick while listening to The Eagles' song "Desperado." It is difficult.
24. Mama didn't raise no fool. But she did raise a helluva dick eater, whut.
25. One time I ate a dick at the Smithsonian. Turns out Dustin Diamond is kind of an asshole.
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