The Evolution of Richard Clayderman's Buttcrack Haircut

Over the course of his illustrious career, pianist Richard Clayderman has used a variety of source material for reinterpretation. But whether he's re-imagining the pop sensibilities of The Carpenters or the dramatic epic broadway tunes of Andrew Lloyd Webber, Clayderman has kept his parted-down-the-middle two-tone haircut consistent. For that is his trademark. Here, EADJ examines the many moods of Richard Clayderman's ass-crack do.


The Best of Abba
Establishing a look is important. And Richard sports his classic, bowl buttcrack center-part like a proud, preening peacock.


The Best of Andrew Lloyd Webber
Often lighting and smoke evoke a feeling of mystery and drama. Richard knows this and blends his buttcrack just so that you can't tell if it's his forehead or his hair. Quelle mystere!


The Best of The Carpenters
Richard Clayderman pays respect to the tragic life of Karen Carpenter by foregoing the buttcrack part completely. A deepfelt tribute from a fellow artiste.


The Best of Cinema
A triumphant return to clearly-defined ass-cleavage-resembling hair! A widescreen cinemascopic panorama of shimmering blond hair for Clayderman to lead the troops in. An epic conquistador's helmet of triumph! To arms!


The Best of Classical
The formal look is appropriate when approaching the classics. Clayderman knows this and responds with chiaroscuro, Monet-like softness on wispy sinews of asscrack. But you may also notice a bit of "party in the back," if you know what I'm saying. Am I right, ladies?


The Best of Love Songs
The art of love involves baring one's soul. What better way to portray that than to create the biggest, widest buttcrack part ever slapped on an album cover? Richard takes both hands and STRETCHES the everloving bejeezus out of that part, spreading that bad boy like Penthouse Pet Valentina Vaughn in her June 2005 pictorial.

It must also be noted that on none of these album covers are Richard Clayderman's famous hands visible. That's because he's folding t-shirts out of the crop.