Some Additional Uses For Butterscotch

(photo by John Reid)

• Present Butterscotch as Vice Presidential running mate, make her debate with Senator Joe Biden
• Strategically place in window of schizophrenic's home
• Remove head, place in robotic gangster's bed
• Hollow out anal cavity. Add fleshlight. Never leave home again.
• Replace stuffing with raw pork. Give to niece. Bring pork-filled Butterscotch and niece to dog park.
• Equip mouth with tennis ball serving machine. Make Butterscotch vomit tomatoes at horse show.
• Give lower half to Vern Troyer so he can be a centaur.
• Fill with crack cocaine. Smoke.
• Replace stuffing with trash bags filled with blood. Leave on deserted road. Wait.
• Take Butterscotch to Living Colour concert. Throw onstage during "Cult of Personality."
• Leave Butterscotch in a bad neighborhood. Come back to see it stripped.
• Take Butterscotch to West Coast Customs for DVD player and karaoke machine installation
• Equip mouth with remote loudspeaker. Sneak Butterscotch into "It's a Small World" and have her yell racist remarks.
• Pawn to superstitious pawn shop owner. Tell him it's cursed. Turn on when leaving.
• Sneak backstage at the next Apple conference. Replace next great product announcement with Butterscotch. Watch Steve Jobs wing it.
• Use Butterscotch as model for much larger horse constructed of wood that you fill with Greek soldiers and give to Troy as a gift and peace offering.

Also, a very recent Craigslist "casual encounter" can be found here.