Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Dick To the Future

An unconfirmed source has leaked that Joel was unceremoniously dropped as spokesman for Glide Comfort Plus Dental Floss.

Representatives and lawyers from Crest Corporation held a conference at a Chili's Express in Audobon, New Jersey.

"Joel has been an exemplary figurehead for getting big chunks of meat from between his teeth," said attorney Myron Noodleman, "Glide Comfort Plus has been lucky to have his services for the last 8 months, but we feel that we're being pigeonholed as purely a dick floss due to the association with Joel."

Crest has opted to honor the contract with Joel and pay him the twelve crates of dick without him having to film any more commercials or make any more appearances at malls.

Joel has since started negotiations with a local toothpick company, Woodflickers.

(pictured above, through the magic of modern technology– and with a little help from MIS– Dean picks boogers from 700 miles away)

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

SFVOJH

Dean = Shorter Fatter Version of John Heder.

Anonymous said...

nugget of truth

Anonymous said...

Actually, New York is 711 miles from Chicago. Fact check, bitches.

Anonymous said...

dean's in new york! dean's in new york!

Anonymous said...

party in chicago! party in chicago!

Anonymous said...

do i sense a return of that otherwise unremarkable office's "creative director foiled again" plot? let's do it boyz and girlz. i've got the reynolds wrap, that new guy's got the looks, let's waste lots of money.

Anonymous said...

Unremarkable office?!

Have you SEEN the new KeyBank newspaper inserts?

Anonymous said...

seen them. i did them. and i got a raise for it. well not a raise but a bonus. a free toaster oven. that's more then you chicago-hipsters ever got. and you can take that to the bank. key bank.

Anonymous said...

overheard coming from ayana's cubicle "no dean, it's not posted online and nobody is laughing"

Estoye said...

f

Anonymous said...

FILE UNDER: why didn't joel think of that...

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-fakeweth12jun12,1,1400488.story?ctrack=1&cset=true

Anonymous said...

fEDeX

Estoye said...

When did this shit turn into a bulletin board?

Anonymous said...

disable comments. disable comments. disable the mothafriggincomments. or not. choice is yours. i actually enjoy reading this stuff.

Estoye said...

I'm just asking, anonymous.

Or should I say, AMY BURKHARDT.