Former First Lady Side Hustle

Michelle Obama, headphone model?

This Week in CBS FBI Shows

The following are this week's episode summaries for FBI, FBI: International and FBI: Most Wanted, all airing on CBS:

FBI

S12E06 "Blankenship"

Casey comes to a decision. Mallory and Jake make an uneasy alliance. Director Spender puts the kibosh on casual Fridays after the khakis incident.

FBI: International

S08E02 "El Niño and the Panini"

Assistant Director Cortez confronts Teasdale and Anyango over their "overzealous" arrest of the drug mule. Shaya tries a Four Loko in the Evidence Room. Somebody accidentally shoots out the TV during a Powerpoint presentation.

FBI: Most Wanted

S02E04 "What You Leave Behind is Not What is Engraved in Stone Monuments, But What is Woven Into the Lives of Others"

Kurtis and Samantha break up during the Ivanov raid. An animatronic clown tells Special Agent Norris's darkest secrets. The internship program is canceled when everyone's AirPods go missing.

Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Seen

"Stop squirming, centipede! Wait till I get my hands around your tiny, stupid throat!"

"Who was the lovely lady who left this glass Croc at the ball?"

"That is NOT how you make a Jameson on the rocks!"

"Duuuuude!" (a mind-blowing callback to both Dude Bro Party Massacre I and II)

"I'm 15, Mom. Can't I just babysit myself while you're gone?"

"No. And your uncle is already on his way."

The Latest Perks Added To the AMC Stubs Rewards Program

Word of mouth is spreading, and thousands of new AMC Stubs members have been added in the past weeks. What's the big fuss? Well, AMC already has a successful rewards program but has announced even more perks that members can enjoy if they sign up now.

Here are the newest benefits added to the program:

• Free Se7en themed popcorn bucket which is just a cardboard box with a woman's head in it

• If you can find a way to hook up a garden hose to the soda fountain and snake it all the way to your seat, go nuts

• Free COVID testing before, during and after any matinee.

• We will turn down the volume of the movie if your phone rings and you have to answer it.

• One of our guys will make out with your Mom to distract her if she's not enjoying the film

• If you get a boner during a sexy scene, we promise not to shine our flashlights on it

A Pathmark Inversion

Editor's Note: We know we did a Pathmark yesterday, but wanted to call attention to this.

Spotted at Old Navy, actually–not Pathmark. Whilst in line, I saw this charming switcheroo:

A candy amongst the hair clips.

Then a hair clip amongt the candies.

SUCH SYMMETRY!

"A Lie Can Travel Halfway Around the World While the Pathmark Is Putting On Its Shoes"

My Rule of Thumb For Books

Yeah, don't judge a book by its cover, blah blah blah, but I've seen enough books at Target and Barnes & Noble to know not to purchase a book if the cover art in any way looks like the clipart they use for DoorDash, corporate websites and Powerpoint presentations.

I AVOID. Here are more examples: