The Return of The EADJ Sticker Show

We return with another batch of mysterious stickers found around town, using the power of Bing to divine their meaning and intent.

"FVCK PAONE."

Location: on a traffic pylon in Midtown Manhattan

Guess to its meaning: Angry vegan political action group?

Fvck Paone seems to actually be an L.A. based sticker graffiti artist who decided to open a Twitter account and hasn't updated it since February. Unremarkable mystery solved. Meh.

"Convict Orange"

Location: near a day care center in South Orange, New Jersey

Guess to its meaning: A skater clothing line that misappropriates Monopoly imagery?

Convict Orange is a hardcore band that started in Watchung, NJ with songs like "Shut Up James," "Goldshlager," and "Letter Of Acceptance."

In October, 2004, Convict Orange went in to record their first full length, “Do Not Pass Go,” with the help of music industry guru Anthony Krizan, formerly of the platinum selling group The Spin Doctors. 

Wow. There is nothing more hardcore than The Spin Doctors, let me tell you.

"Pretentious Film Majors"

Location: Chelsea in NYC

Guess to its meaning: An online blog about aspiring film directors?

Close. It's an online VLOG by Drexel University students who review movies, perform short skits and awkwardly interview celebrities at premieres. Want to watch their 13 minute review of "The Great Gatsby?" Go nuts.

"Nolte?"

Location: 42nd Street, NYC

Guess to its meaning: a new brand of yoga leggings?

Not a lot of results came back for this search other than more spottings of said sticker. I wouldn't be surprised if they were put up by the man himself.

"Bankrupt Slut: I Bring The Party"

Location: near a lake in Audubon, New Jersey

Guess to its meaning: an online fashion zine?

Nope. Another band. This one claims they sound like Guns N' Roses, Weezer, Mötley Crüe, and Black Eyed Peas. I'm just going to hold my tongue.

Appropriately, here's their video for "Graffiti Saved My Life:"

???? ?????

Location: Prague, Czech Republic

Guess to its meaning: ???? ?????????

I was at work, but I still typed the text for this in and searched.

I then typed "kangaroo fucking a woman," and, zip. Then I typed in "SEKTOR 1905" because it was on the little seal at the top. Bingo! It's a well-organized Czech football club (Bohemians?) that uses a kangaroo for a mascot for some reason, dresses in smart green-and-white stripes and often clashes with police.

A Word On Christmas Cards

Everybody enjoys receiving Christmas cards. It's a time-honored seasonal gesture that keeps people in touch with each other. But there are families that are too happy to send a card that is little more than a captioned photo of their kids.


Sure, it's pretty likely that the friends and loved ones that they've sent cards to are wondering how their kids are. But to just send a photo of your children with hardly a signature or bit of personalization is oddly both thoughtful and thoughtless.


Now, I'm not complaining about receiving Christmas cards– I'm grateful to still be on your list after what happened with my flask at Denny's. I'm just saying that a photo of your kid is not a photo of your entire family. What, did your nose fall off after you climbed Everest?




Oh, but even WORSE than a baby photo Christmas card is the dreaded Christmas family update letter. This has to be the biggest, douchetastic thing you can send to everyone you know– essentially junk mail where you brag about your kid's teeth growing in or your improved golf handicap. Fucking lazy, thoughtless egotism. Write us each a real letter if you're so proud, you cocknut.

High Dick, Low Dick

If there's one thing that Joel will not tolerate, it's lice.

Joel's chimp servant Chad Yarborough had tussled with some farm animals at the Handon Mall's free petting zoo last week and had somehow caught the lice there. It could have been either the goats or the children, quite frankly.

The chimp servant had neglected to bathe afterwards and had gone straight to preparing Joel's dinner, fricasseed dick with pesto. Then Joel had instructed it to do some dusting all around the apartment.

Long story short, the chimp servant had transmitted lice all over Joel's futon, papa san, flip 'n fuck, his gaming chair, his ceiling-mounted wicker hanging chair, and his director's chair with DICKMASTER printed on the back.

The apartment will be fumigated, and Joel will be forced to sleep at the Doubletree. The chimp servant will temporarily sleep under a 405 overpass.

(pictured above, apparently people on the East coast have EXTREMELY long commutes and never have to pee)