H.R. Would Like A Word With You

Hi. I know I don't pop by your office very often, but I just wanted to know if you had some time this week for a quick meeting at my office? If not this week, then maybe next week?

No, you're not in any trouble or anything, haha. God forbid, right? No, the reason I need you to come by is just for some routine, procedural stuff. Nothing to get alarmed about or any reason to call your lawyer over. Yet. Kidding! LOL

But yeah. If you could find some time–like an hour, maybe?–to come by and close the door and have a talk with Gina and me, then hopefully we can get to the bottom of what we've been hearing. What? What have we been hearing? It's nothing, really. Nothing we can discuss out here in the open, anyway! LOL. But let's pencil you in for Tuesday 9am.

So, yeah. Just put that in your calendar, and we'll be sure to see you bright and early on Tuesday, 'kay? Have a good rest of your day, and don't talk to any of your co-workers about this, even if you hear something about it on the news tonight. Great!

Holy Lord, Target

The following mis-shelved (and disheveled) items were spotted last night in a Target over a course of 30 minutes:

Are You Gail Larkin Experienced?

The following entry was submitted by the soon-to-be-traveling-to-Seattle Andrew Gall:

Few people are truly "legends" to me. Ken Griffey Jr was one back when I was 12. Ricky Gervais, he comes pretty close. Gail Larkin. That's one legend I've been wondering about for awhile. For the uninitiated, she’s the head of Hobbit Travel, that juggernaut of a company that has kept fat pockets thanks to handling C-K’s travel for many years. People have often speculated, however, why this is the case. The overall incompetence and mishandling of unsuspecting creatives’ travel itineraries have resulted in shenanigans both humorous (receiving plane tickets on your chair the day AFTER you return from your trip) to the extremely unfortunate (John Reid sitting next to a 320 lb. Samoan comes to mind, though John did report that he was a very nice guy). It’s a strange corporate travel world where middle seat is the norm, a world where a strange woman, seemingly behind a curtain (or possibly, though it’s never been proven, in one of those weird Chicago suburbs that all sound the same to me), decides the fate of unsuspecting creatives agencywide. But that’s not all that strange. We’ve come to accept it. But let’s face it: the woman herself is just plain weird. She has a voice of the woman who table danced 50 years ago, then smoked 54, 322 cigarettes all in one sitting afterwards. Daily. She sounds almost like a vocoder, though not in a cool, Roger and Zapp kind of way. But I digress.

I met this woman. She is as weird in person as she is on the phone. I found her as a little, sweet old lady wandering aimlessly throughout the office. She came upon my cube, examined the nameplate, and did a most bizarre thing. She held up a sign, as if she were a mute, that said “do you know who I am?” I did not. She then began to speak. I understood. That was the day that I met the legend Gail Larkin. She does exist.

PS: I don’t know what table dancing is.

(pictured above, Gail Larkin and Peter K in happier times)