This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Now that's concentration, fellas.

"Who's the baby-man with no beard and no shirt? Shall we shoot him?"

"Nah, just run him over."

Ben Franklin brought back a pretty nasty STD from his visit to France.

This is great. No change necessary.

"Whoa, easy with that Animalizer Ray Gun."

"STOP SHOOTING! STOP SHOOTING! PUT THAT ANIMALIZER GUN DOWN!"

This just might be the ugliest album cover I've seen in years. And that includes Limp Bizkit's "Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water."

"My eyes are up here, guys."

Looks like somebody saw the new MacGyver reboot Fridays on CBS.

Fucking awful. But look how strategically that other mixtape CD is placed on the shitter floor. 

Let's Break The Twist Cap Off The EADJ Mail Sack!

A couple of recent entries have documented a tooth with teeth and a hand with (ball) hands. 

Andrew and Megan Gall have discovered and submitted what they believe is a third for this distinguished series: a drawing of Colonel Sanders feeding chicken to chickens:

 

Very horrifying. But before we posted this as an official third to the series, we ran this entry by the EADJ Anthropomorphism Judge Panel. What did they have to say about this entry?

Donatello Gru-Gru: "While I applaud the 'meta' quality of the piece, I just don't think that this can stand in the same category as the two other abominations. Good effort, though."

  Alamance Condidor: "I can't say enough good things about this entry. It's composed well, it's delicious looking, and I really enjoy sickly jade green. But I'm going to have to say 'no' to this being in the same style as a Tooth With Teeth or your Hand With (Ball) Hands. Sorry."

 S. Kelvin Turnless: "So many questions. Is he really feeding chicken to those oversized chickens? Is the Colonel actually oblivious to the angry giant roosters behind him, about to peck the soul out of his decrepit carcass? Who the fuck holds a chicken leg like that? Oh... the question about whether it should be with the tooth and the hand... no. Just, no."

Sorry, Andrew and Megan. Thank you for entering the art piece for consideration, but our judges have spoken, and as much as we would like to, we cannot allow "The Colonel Feeding Chicken To Chickens" to be included in future displays alongside "Tooth Brushing Its Teeth" and "Hand With (Ball) Hands." You now owe us $50 for processing fees.

Some Ways That Aggressive Glass & Mirrors Drums Up Business

 

• They throw a brick through your front window and say "tsk tsk tsk."

• They hire a goon to come smash the shit out of your mirrors. And he takes the seven years bad luck because he ain't no snitch.

•  They run over your dog and make some clumsy joke about being blind and seeing eye dogs and you needing new blinds.

• They tell you that there's some really cool, amazing stuff happening outside your window but that you need new $1200 panes to really appreciate it.

• Three words: MICHAEL BAY WINDOWS.

• They threaten to give away the plot details of the "Homeland" episode you're watching unless you invest in some insulated windows which are surprisingly easy to open and clean when you really try them out. You should really give it a try unless you want to hear that Brody was framed for the bombing of CIA headquarters.

• They give you the finger inches from your face as they estimate, order, repair and invoice the window job for you.

• They "repair" your cracked coffee table glass top with Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka's ass in a sweet version of his "Superfly Splash."

• Fuck you

• Their hold music is "Architecture of Aggression" by Megadeth.

• They start a drawn out, expensive war under false pretenses, linking a terrorist attack to a completely unrelated foreign country that they wanted to invade in the first place for their oil wells.