Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Due to contract changes, the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Netflix this week:

• "Magnum P.I., The Reboot Reboot"

• "A Pinch of Ass"

• "Scurry"

• "Adventures in Botulism"

• "Incarcerated Scarfaces"

• "BULLET! The PowerPoint Documentary"

• "Valley Elderly Lady" starring Moon Unit Zappa

The following movies and TV shows will be added to Netflix this week:

• "All the Dumb Characters In Sitcoms, Now In One Big Dumb Sitcom"

• "FBI: Potatoes"

• "Magic: The Gathering: The Movie: The Series"

• "Two In the Pink"

• "New Jersey Astronauts: To Infinity and Bayonne!"

• "Realistic Lesbians of Cell Block C"

Sci-Fi I Haven't Watched

Based purely on the screenshots, Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda is about a group of physically fit space travelers who do nothing but give each other the silent treatment.

Blackberry VI

A mere 37 days after the EADJ Gallery had acquired a fifth invaluable addition to "The Blackberry Face," they witness a holiday miracle in a much sought-after sixth piece to their already impressive collection: "Doug."


"Doug" was donated by an anonymous private collector who discovered him in a West Elm in Paramus, New Jersey. And unlike four of the previous pieces, "Maggie," "Frank," "Tony," and "Edvard," "Doug" is captured off of any mass transit, instead relaxing on a sofa at the front of the store while his wife picks out wall art or vases or some shit.


With a gala opening and ceremony, the EADJ Gallery will reveal its first ever completed hexaptych on January 4 in the Main Gallery and will be free to the public. The Young Artists Juried Show has accordingly been moved to the East Gallery since it wasn't very good to begin with.


Photography and video recording of any kind will be prohibited. Armed guards will be stationed throughout the show. No food or drink is allowed.

:C

EADJ Presents: The Worst Obama Shirts EVAR

Over the past 20 months, Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama has inspired a grassroots movement. This movement has inspired people to hand out flyers, campaign via telephone, and sometimes design some godawful t-shirts via CafePress. EADJ has found some of the worst-designed Obama shirts and would like to share them with you now. NOW, I said.


The "Spitting Image"
Believe it or not, that is actually an illustration of Obama, not a silkscreened photograph. I know, right?


The "Kremlin"
Some college student saw some Soviet propaganda posters and figured this would be good for a t-shirt. Obviously an art student and not a poli sci major. Idiot.


The "Tyler Durden"
Bo-rrowed int-rest, CLAP CLAP, CLAP CLAP CLAP.


The "Ninja Turtle"
Great for wearing to get that "what the fuck is that asshole wearing?" look from people. I really don't get it. What is the connection? They're both "heroic?" They both climbed out of meager beginnings? They both enjoy pizza and skateboarding? I've sat here a good fifteen minutes thinking about this one. Obama had a mentor named "Splinter?"


The SNL "Inside Reference"
Fucking hell. Let me organize my thoughts here. Number one, "more cowbell" is from a skit from April 2000, for crying out loud. So, the only people who somehow think that is still funny are two merchants at a marketplace in New Delhi. Secondly, implying that Obama needs something that goes on a cow is extremely racially insensitive. Kidding.


The "Barcode"
Another design that doesn't make much sense. Except maybe promoting Obama as a true agent of total generic sameness.


The "Top Gun"
This is spectacularly stupid. Hello? "Maverick?"


Barack of Ages
Hey, just because some fundamentalists are calling Obama the Antichrist doesn't mean you have to go the opposite end of the offensive spectrum. Get a hold of yourself, man. Jesus t-shirts are so never.


The "Kanji"
Get it? It says "change" in some exotic oriental lettering. Why? Because I'm from the 80's! I still wear my keyboard tie! Kyrie Eleison, down the road that I must travel!


The "Holy Fucking Shit Who Is That Z-List Celeb With Her Horribly Disfigured Dog?"
The heart near the crotch. The unforgivable use of the phrase "bad girls." The grunge type. The pink fur on the unwilling toy bichon frisé or whatever. The mothercocking HEADBAND. The whole thing is so piss-in-my-eye awful that it actually makes me want to vote for McCain. And rape myself.

Epilogue To Unnamed Project

After the debacle of Project B_____ after an Unnamed Organization started getting pissy about it (the exact OPPOSITE of Jerald's reaction), some readers have been asking who our confederate at that organization and if they're doing okay. Their report:

The end of the (tale) is that the (unusual) (parcel) has all been (distributed) and is in the (claws) of (folks) who (uttered)...."yeah, I can really use that. (Also, Dita Von Teese skateboard ragamuffin One-dollar-per-year-in-business as a Christmas bonus was really fucking cheap.)"

Since Unnamed Organization has been known to screen their emails, key words have been altered with synonyms (in parenthesis) and an additional fake sentence has been added to the end to confuse any automatic or manual searches to track down and discipline said confederate. Your identity is safe with us, dear confederate!

Let's Stretch the Lips of the Ol' EADJ Mail Sack!

(the following is from an email from a "Patrick Chan," labeled READ AND GET BACK TO ME)

------------------

MR. PATRICK CHAN
HANG SENG BANK LTD.
83, Des Voeux Road,
Central HK,Hong Kong.


patrickchan20007hk@yahoo.com.hk


Good Day,

Let me start by introducing myself.i am Mr Patrick K.W Chan Executive Director and Chief Financial Officer of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd Hong Kong.l have a secured business proposal for you.

Before the U.S and Iraqi war our client Col. Hosam Hassan who was with the Iraqi forces and also business man made a numbered fixed deposit for 18 calendar months, with a value of Thirty Million United State Dollars ($30,000,000.00) only in my branch.Upon maturity several notices was sent to him, even during the war which began in 2003. Again after the war another notification was sent and still no response came from him. We later find out that Col. Hosam Hassan along with his wife and the only daughter had been killed during the war in a bomb blast that hit their home.

After further investigation it was also discovered that our client Col.Hosam Hassan did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank deposit.

Against this backdrop,my suggestion to you is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to Col.Hosam Hassan so that you will be able to receive his funds.

Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account we shall then share in the ratio of 60% for me, 40% for you.Should you be interested please send me your,

1. Full names
2. Private phone number
3. Current residential address.

I will prefer you reach me on my private email address below And finally after that i shall provide you with more details of this transaction.

Your earliest response to this letter will be highly appreciated.


patrickchan20007hk@yahoo.com.hk

Kind Regards,
Mr.Patrick Chan.



Exercise your brain! Try Flexicon.

-----------------------------



I find it interesting that after all the urgency of rescuing Col. Hosam Hassan's $30,000,000, the banker Mr. Patrick Chan wants to also put a bug in my ear about Flexicon. I decided to respond to Mr. Chan's missive with this:




Dear Mr. Patrick Chan,

............../´¯/).............(\¯`\
............/....//..............\\....\
.........../....//................\\....\
...../´¯/..../´¯\............../¯`\....\¯`\
.././.../..../..../.|_......_|.\....\....\...\.\..
(.(....(....(..../..)..).....(..(.\....)....)....).)
.\................\/.../....\...\/................/
..\.................. /........\................../
....\................(............)............../
......\..............\.........../............./


Maturely yours,
Joel Thomas

p.s. Didn't we kick your ass in WWII?

(pictured above, The Unfortunate Tagline of the Month. The Chicago Transit Authority tagline tries to encourage people to consider riding more often, but instead suggests a brutal rape)