Upcoming Conspiracies For 2023 From InfoWars

Angry, gullible dumb guys have a lot to look forward to this new year. Here are some stories that Alex Jones and his writers are getting ready for them:

• Office Max is selling literal WOKE AGENDAS in their stationery section

• Since they have mostly voted Republican, Iowa voters will soon wake up with a free "Freedom iPad" under their pillow

• Some breeds of cat have the ability to walk on 5G frequencies to heaven to say hello to your Maw-maw

• When black people say the words "haunt me" really fast, it sounds like they're saying something else

• Events in history will now be referred as either "B.P.G" (before Pizzagate) or "A.P.G." (after Pizzagate)

• High blood pressure makes you smarter

• The band Paramore is pretty talented, but not as talented as Alter Bridge or Led Zeppelin

• Tim Pool has a beautiful, lush head of hair under that beanie cap

Fun Facts About Strawberries and Bananas That Didn't Make It On The Back of A Box of Strawberry Banana Cheerios

Strawberry Banana Cheerios are delicious. And on the back of every box of Strawberry Banana Cheerios, you can read some fun facts about both strawberries and bananas, like "Strawberries and roses are in the same botanical family" or "Technically bananas are berries, but strawberries are not." Fun!

Here now are some fun facts about strawberries and bananas that did not make the back of the packaging:

• Bananas will never intentionally hurt you.

• The Inuit word for strawberry is sitilluqaaq, which translates loosely to "Why are you even here?"

• Rachel says she likes bananas and strawberries, but only because Josh said he likes them first, and she's totally crushing on him. We should tell Tracy.

• If you ever get shot by a banana traveling at the speed of a bullet, I call dibs on your Playstation 5.

• The words "straw" and "berry" have individually been copyrighted by Kanye West

• 2 weeks. I promise.

• Banana easy and good. Strawberry okay but need to remove green part.

• Banana and Strawberry have lived together for decades without getting married, like Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn