Angry, gullible dumb guys have a lot to look forward to this new year. Here are some stories that Alex Jones and his writers are getting ready for them:
• Office Max is selling literal WOKE AGENDAS in their stationery section
• Since they have mostly voted Republican, Iowa voters will soon wake up with a free "Freedom iPad" under their pillow
• Some breeds of cat have the ability to walk on 5G frequencies to heaven to say hello to your Maw-maw
• When black people say the words "haunt me" really fast, it sounds like they're saying something else
• Events in history will now be referred as either "B.P.G" (before Pizzagate) or "A.P.G." (after Pizzagate)
• High blood pressure makes you smarter
• The band Paramore is pretty talented, but not as talented as Alter Bridge or Led Zeppelin
• Tim Pool has a beautiful, lush head of hair under that beanie cap
