Hey, you're stupid, right? So that means you probably listen to Alex Jones over at InfoWars and buy into whatever dumb, peremptory conspiracy narrative he vomits into the airwaves. If so, you're in luck! Because the head writers at InfoWars have deigned to share with EADJ some of their upcoming storylines. Enjoy!
• Everyone working at PetSmart is actually a pet for the real owners of the company, THE LIZARD PEOPLE
• When you say "bless you" to someone who sneezes, what you're really doing is an incantation spell to invoke Azathoth, ruler of the Outer Gods!
• 01000101 01110110 01100101 01110010 01111001 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100111 01110011 00100000 01100010 01110010 01100001 01101001 01101110 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01101111 01101110 01101100 01101001 01101110 01100101
• Minnie Mouse is really just Mickey Mouse from another timeline in drag
• Donald Duck is really just Daisy Duck from the future in drag
• City sewer workers tag your poop and give the information to the census to calculate how much corn you eat
• Scott Baio has been blacklisted from Hollywood not because of his political views but because he still parts his hair down the center
• Monsanto has engineered a seed that cannot grow into anything. It looks remarkably like a rock.
• The Portuguese moon base is falling apart, but you haven't heard about it because Portugal's NASA controls everything past the Earth's atmosphere
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