Alex Jones has a fat head full of boiled hot dog water and hatred. But before he vomits the latest tinfoil hat batshit out of his lie hole, his writers need to compose them carefully. Here are some narratives that he'll push soon:
• If you lay one Dorito on top of another and turn it a little, you get a Star of David. Jew chips!
• Debbie Wasserman Schultz is really Rachel Dolezal in whiteface
• The Civil War wasn't fought over slavery. It was just one big disagreement over a Groupon.
• Women can't get herpes from Alex Jones by giving him a handjob. I assure you.
• Mike Pence makes the Sign of the Cross to protect him from dirty thoughts when driving by a Jiffy Lube.
• Mountain Dew Code Red is brewed special from Mark Ruffalo's tears.
• If you play the Imperial March around Hillary Clinton, she orgasms.
• The nation's abortion clinics all have teleportation capability, so you can instantly teleport to whatever state still does them legally.
• The mullet is just an emo haircut BACKWARDS!
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