Alex Jones is like Charlie Brown, except rounder, more racist and less popular. His talented team of writers are currently cooking up new bullshit conspiracies for Alex to feed to his awaiting dumb listeners. Here is a taste of what they have in store for next week:
• Skim milk is just whole milk with one liter of contact lens saline solution mixed in.
• San Francisco's famous Lombard Street is windy on purpose to ruin people's tires and have them hopefully run over some hobos at the bottom. This is how San Francisco deals with its homeless.
• If you let a baby's crib mobile turn counter clockwise instead of clockwise, it will grow up to be a progressive socialist commie.
• Chicks with A-cup bras are either lesbians or men in drag. Also, they're not attracted to Alex Jones.
• All of North Korea's nuclear launch codes are the lyrics to Stevie Wonder's 1985 song "Part Time Lover" scrambled slightly.
• Malignant mesothelioma is not caused by asbestos exposure. Rather, it is the result of NOT COLLECTING ENOUGH BEANIE BABIES IN THE NINETIES
• You crazy, man.
• Most chestnuts are raised by a small Satanist collective in Maine. They are blessed and distributed by atheists and witches to poison the stomachs and minds of white Christian children.
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