Monday, May 14, 2018

Here Are Your Job Numbers For May 14, 2018


Hello all. Grace from HR here. 

The original intent of this email is to notify you all of the new job numbers (see below) that you're supposed to fill out by end of day today so that we can process our billing and we can all get paid.

But the second thing I'd like to discuss with you is the improper language that I've been hearing around the break room and kitchen area. I would urge everyone to stop using the terms "tittyfucking", "dickslapping", "cum dumpster", "blumpkin", "meatspin", "faggotry", "blue waffle", "tubgirl", "queef", "smegma", "sharting", and "no lube ass raping". Also, whoever is posting fake flyers about employee training that direct you to goatse.cx, please stop it.


Here are the job numbers for you animals:

83552: Asking for help with a CapriSun

59925: Getting a case of the giggles

19473: Stinking to high heaven

25825: Asking you about your grandchildren

10023a: Pursing your lips

10023b: Lipping your purse

55725: Applying for a job at Circuit City or Toys Я Us

36332: NOT dropping it like it's hot

85018: Staying friends after the breakup

79123: Renewing your hand modeling contract

60628: Googling how to spell "Matthew McConaughey" YET AGAIN

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