The crack writing crackpots of "Info Wars" are already working on next week's set of Alex Jones fuckbottle rants. (What's a fuckbottle? I'll keep it.) Here now are a few conspiracies you can look forward to supporting and spreading, if you are a dumb, right wing bigot shithead asshole cocksucker:
• Bales of hay left in farm fields contain homing beacon trackers for North Korean paratroopers once they invade in August
• Pesto is actually gay leprechaun semen. Believe me- I know.
• The #MeToo movement is a group of angry Etsy sellers out to destroy all males and turn this country into a fascist knitocracy
• The Big and Tall Mens Store staffs attractive, nice smelling young men with rippling muscles on purpose so that when they measure your inseam, you cum like a shark
• The board game Connect Four is an unfair, manipulative bullshit of a fucking game and WE DON'T WANT TO PLAY THAT ANYMORE
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