More Dipshit Info Wars Conspiracies

If you watch Info Wars regularly–and if you do, God help you–you may discover that the garbage Alex Jones pukes out his hate hole doesn't change during the week. That's because an entire staff of writers are still busy cooking up next week's batch of irrational right-wing bullshit. But here now is an exclusive preview of next weeek's Info Wars talking points:

• Ted Nugent had recorded a song with Santana for his 1999 album "Supernatural" but was dropped because of his Christian and political beliefs. And two years later, 9/11 happened.

• Whenever someone uses the word "causeway," Bill Cosby receives a $5 royalty and rapes another white woman brought to him by attorney Gloria Allred.

• Words With Friends tracks the movements of Gentiles worldwide and adds them to a secret Jewish database on the planet XVIQXSH (36 points).

• Pigeons are liberal operatives who poop on Confederate statues to mark them for removal. Don'e believe me? Ask your science teacher!

• The children's game "Duck Duck Goose" was invented by Josef Stalin to perpetuate forced collectivism of the working class and to let them know "their place."

• Lesbians don't actually sleep. They simply charge their gay batteries by watching episodes of "Steven Universe."