Lucifer—in conjunction with Hell Properties LLC and Caswell Architects Inc.—is happy to announce the expansion of the 9 Circles of Hell into 20 Circles (with additional retail space).
Construction begins in June of 2018 A.D., and the exciting new 11 circles will be open in October of 2020, A.D., so be sure to die damned sometime after that month. Here now are those new expanded circles:
Circle 10: People who backed up on the freeway to the exit they just missed
Circle 11: Jews. Just kidding! Catholics
Circle 12: Any contestant from MTV's Road Rules/Real World/The Inferno/Battle of the Sexes 2/The Island/The Gauntlet/Challenge Cutthroat or any version of that fucking shit
Circle 13: People who work at salad places but don't put a fork in the bag for you
Circle 14: People in movie theaters who text on their phones when the announcement to turn off your phones comes on
Circle 15: The members of New Edition who were not in Bell Biv DeVoe
Circle 16: Those three lying dickheads on Fox & Friends
Circle 17: People who don't clean up their dog's shit in public spaces
Circle 18: Freeloaders who try every sample at Costco
Circle 19: Clients who give you an assignment and tell you to "have fun with it"
Circle 20: Any millennial who has ever performed a ukulele cover of any kind
Retail spaces: Baby Devil Gap, Jamba Jizz, Abercrombie & Fitch, Lids, Lady Foot Locker, Damelot Music, Brimstone Creamery, Flay-A-Bear Workshop, Orange Julius
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