It certainly has been a long enough time (June 2014, to be exact) since we visited the models in the baffling NJ Transit brochure. Today we ponder the question, if they didn't have to ride on a commuter train to work, what type of car would these motherfuckers drive? Here now is a fun, rhetorical exercise:
1. Jesse: 1972 Cutlass Supreme
The rugged lines and powerful motor of the 1972 Cutlass Supreme would go to waste with Jesse as its owner, whose slack ass would turn it quickly into a "hoarder car" filled with cheeseburger wrappers.
2. Jess: 1997 Pontiac Grand Am
An average gal like Jess, driving an average, champagne (!) colored piece of shit Pontiac? That seems about right.
3. Angie: 2009 Bugatti Veyron 16.4 Grand Sport
What can we say? Angie applies herself.
4. Trina: 1993 Chevy Lumina Van (Blue)
One would think with cleavage flashing like that, that Trina would end up with a nicer car. But here's what you don't understand: Trina has a bad back from her boobs and needs to load groceries from Costco without straining. It's a medical thing. Try not to judge.
5. Don With The Thumbs: 2003 Ford Taurus
Who's got two thumbs and tools around in an unremarkable rental car? THIS GUY
6. Simon Peter: Goat Cart, Circa 1926
Simon Peter is a suck-up and an idiot. This is what he deserves. Fuck him.
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