The Worst-Selling Items at the Airport Hudson News

• "Fuck Yeah, Toledo!" Onesie

• Squeezable Commuter Jet Stress Increaser

• Nut Bar

• Collectible Letter Opener (Blade Removed for Security Reasons)

• Unique Inflatable Neck Pillow That Doesn't Make You Look Like An Asshole

• Counterfeit Boarding Pass

• Life-Size Predator Statue with Working LED Sensor and Sounds (Shipping Not Included)

• Nut Bar

• Skymall (Hardback Edition)

• TSA Metal Detector Wand Butt Plug

• Framed Photo of Your Wife and Kids At Home Doing Just Fine Without You

• Terrified lost child, age 6. Goes by the name "Camilla."

• Mandalay Bay, Las Vegas Prayer Cloth

• Soaking wet sock full of pistachios and Tylenol

• Pierce Brosnan's Turd Paperweight

• Nut Bar

• 1/48 Scale Model of the United Express Wing of the Lincoln, Nebraska Airport

• Used CD- Alanis Morisette "Jagged Little Pill"

• Ashley Madison Condom & Herpes Testing Kit

• 'Beats By Dr. Scholl' Footphones

• 4 Gallon Jug of Clorox

• Someone's Misplaced Charts of Nabisco's Q2 2012 West Coast Distribution  Channels

• Non-functioning, Decorative Parachute

• Universal Power Adaptor That Never Fucking Works

• Coupon good for $5 off any Chili's Express purchase. Price: $10

• Hand-carved Amish Rape Whistle

• Blank Journal Book-On-Tape

• Nut Bar

• Cracker Barrel-branded Actual Barrel For Holding Real Crackers In