"I debase myself every day at Jamba Juice, working for that colossal prick Ray, just to take home half a decent paycheck... because I love you."
"I pawned Grandma's scooter and threw her walker on the roof... because I love you."
"I went to the DMV and legally changed my name to 'You'... because I love you."
"I held my tongue when you told me that fried dough and funnel cakes were the same thing when it is pretty goddamned obvious that they are NOT the same thing... because I love you."
"I returned the One Ring to Sauron, thus dooming all of Middle Earth to an eternity of slavery and despair... because I love you."
"I blew a trainyard full of syphilitic hobos... because I love you."
"I hated the player and the game... because I love you."
"I went on that useless, time-wasting, money suck of a shitty weekend horseback riding– against my better judgement and I hate to say I told you so... because I love you."
"I piss less on the seat nowadays... because I love you."
"I could make myself believe it's not butter... because I love you."
"I fucking hate you... because I love you."
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