Hawthorne Village Collectibles Is Still Trying To Star Wars Me

Hot on the heels of yesterday's Star Wars train entry, I also received this marvelous direct mail piece hocking the Official Star Wars Galactic Village Collection, a set of three sculpted Star Wars scenes, complete with figurines.

(click to enlarge)


Yes, all the joy of having the action figures and toy vehicles without the detail or points of articulation but with all the breakability of porcelain. The Galactic Village Collection– a Hawthorne Village exclusive– can grace either the basement apartment at your Mom's house or the attic apartment at your Mom's house with its static, eroded-looking creations.


Hey, remember the incredible Imperial invasion of Hoth from "The Empire Strikes Back?" Well, imagine those enormous AT-ATs, but not moving at all and standing on what looks like a frosted cookie. And just look at the photoshopped sculpted detail on the figures themselves, who for some reason all looked pissed:




Since these motherfuckers are going for $59.99 EACH, I can only assume that this is targeted to rich geeks who have already collected everything and have some extra money lying around, collecting dust. So they would happily buy these porcelain sculptures to collect the dust instead.



There are three major reasons why this collection sucks:

1) Despite the spooky detail and lit interiors, these are still porcelain figures and porcelain "villages," so they're essentially the same thing as your grandmother's fragile porcelain Christmas Teddy Bear village.

2) $59.99 x 3 = $179.97?! I could spend that on medication I need or pogs.

3) Even if you've collected all three sculptures, and you've collected every action figure, every comic book, and every prop replica- and you've even read every Star Wars novel– you will never be able to catch the pure joy you had as a kid watching the original trilogy for the first time. Okay, maybe a little bit with the prop replicas.