Towering over the crumbled wasteland of processed snacks and inorganic foodstuffs stands the noble, the mighty, the golden Soft Nougat Of Montelimar.
[Play this music while reading on]
O Grandiloquent,
O Vaunted,
O Most High Soft Nougat
Upon The Bounteous Peaks of Montelimar
Ye Standeth as a Clarion Beacon
Bearing witness to the mortal struggles of the lowly chemical snacks
The foul, superficial brittleness of the crisp
The vulgar impurity of the milk chocolate
The base, waxy peanuttiness of the peanut butter wafer
All lie as mere dirt between the toes of servants to the Most Pure Soft Nougat Of Montelimar.
With Honey of Lavendar
And Misspelled Glucose Syrop
Thy bounty showers forth in a Vanilla Aroma most Natural
Sending forth the sensations of taste in a combination unseen heretofore!
Laying to waste and dust generations of inferior apéritifs!
IT IS A PRODUCT OF FRANCE.
Bow before the Nougat, unworthy Pringle!
Bow before the Nougat, undeserving Chiclet!
Bow before your Master, Bite-Sized Pretzel!
Bow before your King, all ye inferior snacks, both salty and sweet!
BOW BEFORE THE EXALTED, THE MOST HIGH SOFT NOUGAT OF MONTELIMAR!
Available at Whole Foods and some GNCs. May contain eggs.
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