The Court of Oyer has come to order, and the Holy books of Scripture are stacked before me, so we may begin the questioning, Judge Danforth. As an expert in occult phenomena, it is my solemn duty to divine the exact nature of the strange occurrences here in Salem. I understand Reverend Pariss' daughter Betty has suffered a mysterious malady. Is that correct?
"Love At First Site?" Is that some sort of blasphemous mockery of the word "sight" in order to make unholy reference to the vacant commercial space? What black horror!
Foul punsmanship! Such flagrant unfunny wordplay is of the Devil, no matter the potter's intent!
"Flour To The People?!" And why would that pertain only to Goody Anne's pretzels, and not bread, or doughnuts, or biscuits?! Verily groan-worthy. Hail the magistrate! To the pillory with these foul incantations!
"Let's Taco 'Bout It." Okay, that one is pretty funny.
Snot 'tis not a word to be played with, witch! You blaspheme before this court and before the eyes of God! Burn this one at the stake! Confess thy sins, servant of the Beast!
(It is here that Chief Magistrate Thomas Newton fainted and the Courtroom was overcome by chaos.)
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