Ask Dr. Fish

Dear Dr. Fish,


Do women ever like anal sex, or is it just painful for them?


Emily Wants To Cum

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Dear Emily,


Jesus. I don't know what to say about this. For one, this is a medical advice column, not a sex advice column, and secondly, even if that question were medically related, I wouldn't be qualified to answer, because although my name is Dr. Fish, I am not really a medical practitioner. I'm a fish, you see. It's complicated, really. Good luck with the ass play or whatever.


Dr. Fish


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Dear Dr. Fish,


How is sex different with an uncircumcised penis?


Taniqua from Des Moines


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Dear Taniqua,


Okaaaay. Again, I have to stress that this is not a sex advice column. I wouldn't know anything about sex advice, primarily because I'm a fish. You see, fish mainly reproduce through the males discharging milt (sperm) onto eggs that the female fish have expelled into the water. So there isn't any copulating going on between the male and the female. No sex. So I'm afraid I don't know the difference between a penis that was circumcised and one that was not.

Hope that helps, Taniqua.


Dr. Fish


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Dear Fish,


My girlfriend is getting her clit pierced. Is there a danger of injuring her (or myself) during sex? Will I have to do anything differently to please her? Please advise!


Jakob


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Dear Jakob,


Thank you for your letter. Unfortunately, I cannot wrap my fish head around what the fuck you're talking about. Your girlfriend is getting WHAT pierced? Her CLITORIS? Why the Shannen Doherty fuck would anyone do that to themselves?! I once got caught by a fisherman, and the hook went through the roof of my fucking mouth. And let me tell you, it was pure fucking agony for the next eight days after he threw me back for being too small. I don't know whether it's the memory of that or the fact your girlfriend is piercing her clit which is giving such a massive headache. Jesus. Fuck off, Jakob. You've ruined my day.


Dr. Fish