It's week two of Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster, and we've still got lots of great ways for you to enjoy the lobster explosion that is Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster! Check out these latest lobster-related offerings:
• We inject sweet, tangy HGH into every juicy morsel. Then we turn it loose in a crowded college bar, pull up a seat and watch the delicious results! It’s just another great more way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster! (as reported by Dan C from the Red Lobster in Chicago!)
• We hollow out a coconut, fill it with lobster, and encourage the largest man in the restaurant (based purely on sight) to take the coconut lobster cannonball to his chest. Patrons gather around—the excitement is palpable! We get the two strongest bussers to toss the lobstersphere into the man’s considerable stomach at high speed. If the coconut explodes on impact, the lobster innards are offered on a first come, first serve basis. If not, we slice the coconut open and drink the delicious lobster innards. Either way, it’s dinner and a show. That’s just one more way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster! (as reported by Andrew Gall from the Red Lobster in Seattle!)
• We fill three old fashioned milk cans– two with hundred dollar bills, and one with lobster meat. We cover the three cans and shuffle them and ask you to choose one. If you pick the one full of lobster meat, we give a huge sigh of relief that we didn’t go broke that time. It’s another fun way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!
• You die. After traveling through a tunnel, you appear on a serene plane of pure light, surrounded by all your friends and loved ones who have previously passed. Your souls are all connected by one consciousness in a constant stream of peace and harmony. You all dine on delicious crab fritters and lobster rolls. Just another way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!
• You sit in a dank room in a cellar at an undisclosed location. We bring out a lobster and strap it to a chair. A man in a welding mask enters and asks the lobster where the stolen tapes are. Despite every denial by the lobster, the man in the welding mask slowly and methodically tortures the lobster to death using a drill, pliers, and a dull knife; it’s also revealed that no “stolen tapes” exist at all. When the entire brutal torture/murder is over, you get your pick of all the delicious lobster meat that’s left! That’s another great way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!
• We send a few employees over to your house to watch the entire DVD set of "The Wire" on your big screen TV. When your wife complains about having company over past the kids' bedtime, one of our employees says something snide about her which you don't entirely catch but are pretty offended by. Later, during the series finale, you finally confront him about what he said, and it turns out he was just muttering the words "Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster." Now that's one great way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!
• We send you on an unmanned blimp ride. You discover as you ascend that there are no controls in the cabin- just platters of delicious, buttery, steamed lobster. Also in the cabin is a raccoon, which we hadn't planned on, but was attracted to the smell of the food. You enjoy each savory bite of lobster as you and your raccoon companion drift away to unknown heights, wondering if your cell phone will even work this high up. Just another way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!
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