Grab your cat in heat and place it on your lap with its hind quarters readily accessible. Chances are the cat will freely offer them– if not the first time this procedure is followed, then certainly each time afterward. Insert a Q-tip into the cat's vagina. It will be exposed and puffy. Do not insert the Q-tip into the other orifice. Either way the cat will begin to scream, but there is a subtle and audible difference in the scream of satisfaction and the scream of rectal pain. Experiment a little until you can distinguish the two.
Move the Q-tip in and out of the cat's vagina slowly at first, then more rapidly. No need to be gentle, no matter what you do with the Q-tip (it beats a barbed cat penis digging around in there!).
You are finished when the cat is finished. You will know when the cat is finished because it will either begin immediately to have a cat orgasm, or it will run away with the Q-tip sticking out of its ass. If this happens let it calm down before attempting to retrieve your Q-tip.
And speaking of orgasms, when riding in my town car, keep it down and use the tissue box. And if I see a used condom between the cushions, I'm charging you double for cleaning the interior. It's in the contract.
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