Coming "Soon" To The EADJ Crappinema: "Testing The Limits," Starring Various Dicks And Tits

Here at the EADJ Crappinema, we have reviewed the gamut of cinematic entertainment: romantic comedies (Ten Inch Hero), heist movies (My Boys Are Good Boys), supernatural thrillers (Dead Awake), and even children's animated films (Happy the Littlest Bunny). The Crappinema has reviewed 30(!) different movies thus far, but the one genre we haven't covered is SMUT. I think we're ready.

"Testing The Limits" is the 1998 Playboy-produced erotic drama about an attractive young couple who, while enjoying a get-away at a secluded cabin in the mountains, make the acquaintance of a beautiful model and her entourage. Sparks quickly fly, which warm up the cold nights. Also, venereal disease abounds and they run out of hot water for showers.

We plan to review this quality film for you within 12 months and will let you know:

a) whether the soundtrack is worth purchasing

b) if the computer-generated effects from 1998 hold up

c) if Hef makes a cameo appearance as a park ranger with his dick out

Stay tuned, chumps!

It's Finally Here: The EADJ Crappinema Proudly Presents "Route 30," starring Dana Delany and Curtis Armstrong

Almost a full YEAR after we announced that the EADJ Crappinema review of "Route 30" was "coming soon," we finally have a misguided, unfocused write-up of this keen, critically acclaimed film. Well fuck, what have YOU done in a year's time? Asshole.

The following is verbatim dialogue from this scene:

June: Ned! Ned, sweetie, come on! It'll be fun!

Ned: No, June! And we're out of beer!

June: I have it all set up! We can pretend it's not even in the room!

Ned: What are you talking about?

June: I swear to God, Ned. Stop being such a pussy and get up here so I can suck your cock on the video!

 Ned: Are you retarded?

 June: It's for my business. It's what I want, goddammit.

Ned: I told you, I am not doing that shit on camera, for nobody. And I'm sick of saying it.

June: Well if you're going to get in the way of our future, then I'm just going to have to find someone else to do my videos with.

Ned: What?

Okay, we're going to break format here and reveal an EADJ Crappinema first. In previous entries, we've highlighted some godawful acting performances, snarkily naming them "THE GREATEST PERFORMANCE OF ALL TIME" (See the "My Boys Are Good Boys" entry). But this time, we have to give kudos to veteran actor Dana Delany for a heartfelt and deeply moving scene where she plays Amish Martha, a young woman dealing with having desires and ambitions in her restrictive life.

Watch this shit:

Overall grade: F