The Difference Between A Still Shot and A Video

Shot at the Maplewood train station, a tranquil composition of light, texture, and stillness:


Now, when you shoot the same thing on video, you capture snowfall movement but also the unending blabbing of some Russian woman on her cell phone:


Shut up. Shut UP. Shut up! SHUT UP!!!!

Tight.

See, this is what happens when you lose your luggage and you're forced to wear your 6-year old nephew's clothes.

Racist Appliances!

It's time to check in with the Racist Appliances and see what they've been up to:






Racist appliances!

Pound A Desk, Joel!

Amazon has a new feature that lets you confirm payment of an order by typing a pass-phrase rather than clicking on the "One Click" payment button.

Naturally, I tried to see if I could use a certain phrase for my account.


Dammit. So Amazon generated a series of acceptable or available phrases.


"Pounding Joel's Desk" is off but hilarious.


"Joel's Trousers" is almost as funny as "Peace Jethro"


I like "Striking Joel." A lot.


"Brown Exhaust!" We have a winner!


***UPDATE: I peeked again and found three more winners on the bottom row:


"O'Malley slaps." LOL

Boring Post Du Jour

Pictured above, an exciting feature I hadn't notice on my oven.

Hey, now I can touch anyone's boobs.

Every "Best Supporting Actress" Nomination Set-Up Speech.

"A nurse lost on a beach. A mother-to-be on the run from the law. A desperate jewelry shop owner. A prostitute who can read minds. And an autistic stewardess with enormous breasts. These are the nominees for "Best Supporting Actress." This year's performances ranged from the absurd and harrowing to the triumphant and luminescent. And tonight, we celebrate these five roles, each played to perfection by the finest actresses they could find for the budget with the best approximate age and costume size specs. Each honed their craft and poured their soul onto the screen for all the world to see– at least the parts of the world that have artsy movie theatres that can show such obscure and almost-definitely not profitable films.

"Tonight's nominees for Best Supporting Actress are:

Emily Blunt in "Nights In Florence Nightingale"

Cameron Diaz in "Broke Water"

Marcia Gay Harden in "Gold Leaf Detail"

Charlize Theron in "You're Name's Not John"

and Salma Hayek in "24D"

"And the winner is..."

It's Time For "He Said, She Said, Mrs. Nakashima Said!"

Okay, here's how this new EADJ segment works. It's a lot like that new shitty NBC show "The Marriage Ref," but instead of scripted responses from celebrity judges, the verdict of who won an argument between two spouses is determined by the forged responses to a fictional Japanese woman whose photo I stole from a newspaper. Ready? Let's play!

The other month the Estoyes received this flyer from a local accountant:


The wife said she would never use that accountant because of his poor penmanship (see the scrawled address) and sloppy presentation.


The husband countered that this was proof of the CPA's frugality and even pointed out the "Christmas Card" postage that the accountant had repurposed to demonstrate his resourcefulness. The wife stated flatly that that was proof that the accountant was just SLACK.


And what does Mrs. Nakashima say on the matter?


"When a cherry blooms, the leaves often fall before their time. Accountant using Christmas stamp does show that he saves money. But United States Postal Service usually does not deliver a letter without the full address and should have returned it to the sender! Accountant risked wasting a First Class stamp just because he's too lazy or disorganized to fill out the full address. Also, a large mailing should have used the 'bulk mail' rate to really save the sender some money. Accountant gets points for mailing out so early before tax day, but his flyer is total crap. The wife wins this argument!"

(picks up a microphone)

♫ Strangers in the night...exchanging glances
Strangers in the night...what are the chances
We'd be sharing love...before the night was throuuuuuuugggghhhh...♫"


Motherfucker. Oh well. Mrs. Nakashima calls it like she sees it. FUCK!