Showing posts with label tesselation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tesselation. Show all posts

Friday, September 8, 2023

This Week in Hip Hop Awfulness

 


A bit literal, aren't we?


JPEGMAFIA is always wonderfully weird. Or weirdly wonderful.


Yes, this is a real mixtape cover. A++++


The opposite of leg warmers.


It's so weird that I know exactly who that is from the drawing.


A note: mixtape covers with a goat on it saying you're the GOAT is no longer original. If everyone is the GOAT, NO ONE IS.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

EADJ Song Hate: It's Gettin' Kind Of Hectic

Sorry for the misleading title, but we are not lambasting "The Power" by Snap, which I think is cheesy but still too good to feature on this segment.

Instead, we're going to have two firsts here at EADJ Song Hate: the first holiday song, and the first song that most of you probably haven't heard before!

I think I may have found THE worst holiday song ever. "Christmas Is My Favorite Holiday" by King Virtue, as featured on the 2001 "This Is Christmas" compilation album:



This thing sucks on all cylinders: the melody is irritating and repetitive. The singers are TERRIBLE at hitting and sustaining some of the higher notes. The lyrics are trite and cliché, like 1st grader-level bad. And worst of all, you can't get that shit out of your head after listening. Man, fuck this song.


I have no idea who King Virtue is, but his YouTube profile links to some other terrible songs by him/them, along with a link to kingvirtue.com, which when you click on it doesn't show a musical act as much as a series of classroom teaching materials.(???!!?!?!!)


But back to the song. 

No, fuck that. I hate that song. Instead, here's a photo of some repurposed porn:


String up King Virtue and his/their Holiday abortion of a song, fellas. In a market where being irritating is commonplace (see "Do You Hear What I Hear," "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer," "The Little Drummer Boy," and "The Twelve Days Of Christmas," King Virtue has/have made a name for himself/themselves with this glittery yule log of a turd. NEVER AGAIN.


Click to enlarge:

Thursday, September 5, 2013

The Maddening Complexities of the New Jersey Transit Survey Brochure

Commuting to New York from New Jersey is both a frustrating and harrowing ordeal, twice a day. NJ Transit has attempted to gauge riders' satisfaction levels with an online survey, and here is the flyer that they placed on all the train seats one morning:


So, neat. A survey brochure. I was about to simply throw this thing away until I noticed the odd configuration of the people in the photo. Something about the way they were engaging was unnatural, artistic or subconsciously obscene. Or all three. Here now we dissect this photo, the possible motivations of each person in the photo, and the overall message that it's trying to convey.

In order to explore all the intricacies and subtleties of this photo, however, it is important that we tag the people in the shot. The following is an arbitrary assignment for clarification purposes. These are not the real names of the models. We'll find those out one day.


"Jesse" represents the everyman spectator. He is content observing the action from a distance, allowing himself sufficient time to react before jumping in.

"Jess" is more of an engager. Basking in the glow of the giant orange starburst, her extroverted ways allow her to seize moments and even cause change. Her spirit animal is the gazelle.

"Angie" is the out-of-touch introvert. She longs for social interaction- and perhaps even a moment of intimacy- but her shyness and the fact that she's stuck in another row keep her from achieving her goals. She gets shit for pay.

"Trina" is the jezebel flirt. With her tits out and her head thrown back, she uses her feminine wiles to advance her agenda, whether it be get into the boss' pants or get into the boss' brother's pants. What a hoo-ore.

"Don With The Thumbs" shares the same situation as "Angie" but acts to better himself. He actively throws himself over into the conversation, becoming THE focal point of the entire picture. His shameless two thumbs point everyone's eyeline his way. Some may describe his methods as crude and Macchiavellian.

"Simon Peter" is what's known as a 'passive enforcer.' He tries nobly to redirect the energy of the train car back into the originally intended center of the group. His role here is a foil to "Don With The Thumbs," arguably to little effect.

Some of you might notice that there is both a "Jesse" and a "Jess," which could lead to confusion. Why would we name two people next to each other so similarly when we had tens of thousands of other names to pick instead? Good question.

And for those of you who deal in Tarot cards, here are the character analogs:

Jesse = Judgement

Jess = Strength

Angie = The Hermit

Trina = The High Priestess

Don With The Thumbs = Death

Simon Peter = The Fool


The overall chi of the train car can also be observed and measured, as the following chart indicates, assigning attention points per interaction:


The complexities of this photo can be appreciated even more when placed in context with other seemingly unrelated items. For example, here is a picture hanging in a New York Au Bon Pain (it means "of the bread"):


Now, watch what happens when we take this innocent photo and overlay it on the NJ Transit brochure:


Boom! The composition is virtually identical! Jesse turns into a pretzel loaf, Jess becomes the fluffy pumpernickel, Angie turns into an oversized bagel, Trina melds into a San Francisco sourdough, and Simon Peter's pointing finger becomes a serrated knife with sweetrolls. UNCANNY.

As we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of the meaning, context and cultural repercussions of this amazing photo, we will continue to examine the layers of meaning in this masterwork in installments, i.e. EADJ blog segments.