A Few More Taglines For A Movie That Probably Spent About 5 Minutes In Theatres

UAG

UAG

And Now Is The Time That We Should Discuss "Sharknado."

Some real stinkers of movies were being shopped at Cannes this year, the most notable being The Asylum's "Sharknado," which pretty much doesn't need any description or plot summary. Just look at it.

In fact, their marketing department thought "Enough said!" summed it all up nicely. We disagree. Here now are some free-of-charge alternate taglines for "Sharknado:"

And by the way, we cannot review this excellent movie on the EADJ Crappinema because we already covered a Tara Reid movie, "Vipers," and the Crappinema Prime Directive forbids us from repeating ourselves.

If You See A Suspicious Package At The Airport, Please Report It.

A suspicious package could be left in the middle of the airport, in plain view. So please keep your eyes peeled.


The package could take many forms. Like a brown paper package. Or a black roller. Or a gigantic industrial grey garbage can with a green garden hose running into it from the ceiling for no goddamned reason. You know, everyday things like that.

EADJ Pun Police

What's all this here then? I'm patrolling the streets for that most heinous, most egregious of misdemeanors, the bloody pun. And let me tell you, guv'nor, this job is not for you sensitive nancies. Wot?


Oh, bugger. That's a terrible one, eh? Dwayne Johnson himself falling victim to an easy play on words, wot? Oy, come back here! Don't you run from me! Stop!


"Peelin' lucky?" Because you bloody peel the game pieces off to play the dodgy McDonald's sweepstakes thingy? Terrible, Mr. Monopoly. I'm going to have to write you a citation for...wait! You can't run from me, you hear? Come back here! *blows whistle*


Not so much a 'groaner' as it is just limp and tired. Not even worth my time, really. Carry on, luv.


Augh! That one really burned me in me front bits! Awful, just awful! Must beat it back with me bobby stick! Hey, come back here! You are running away from me right now!


What a load of codswallop. That's not even how you really pronounce 'phuket,' so you can't really count that one as a pun. Not in the traditional sense.


Ghastly! Two awful bloody puns in the same place! *blows whistle* Come back here! There's no excuse for "Britney Spares!" It doesn't even make sense! Stop! Police!

Nag Nag Nag Nag Nag Nag Nag

Pictured above, one of the kitchens at Toucan Cleric's Fun.