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Showing posts with label pesto. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pesto. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 20, 2021
Monday, December 16, 2013
Some New Movie Script Ideas Based On The Edibles Section Of A Home Goods Store
Major movie studios are still clamoring for the next "Hunger Games," "Avengers" or "Hobbit" franchise, but they'll settle for a single good movie idea, too. Here now are the latest ideas green lighted by Hollywood, based on the third shelf of the "Edibles" section at a Home Goods store in Jersey (whew, what a setup):
"Chick Pz"
This premium roasted animated comedy stars Jack Black and Dane Cook as two dumb farmhands who discover a meteor at their chicken farm, which turns all of the chickens into aggressive rapping poultry B-boys. Kate Hudson stars as Melody, the mother hen chanteuse.
"Nosewarmer Punch"
Ben Stiller stars as a lightweight boxer who learns he can make more money getting knocked out. His unscrupulous manager (Ving Rhames) encourages him not to take a dive but to really get knocked out as quickly as possible. Also starring Bradley Cooper as Lightweight Champion boxer "Short Shrift."
"Trapani Sea Salt"
This beautiful epic, shot by master cinematographer Claudio Miranda ("Life of Pi") is also directed by Ang Lee and features a film score by Mychael Danna. It stars Dev Patel and Kal Penn and features special creature and digital effects from Digital Domain. Still no word what this movie is about, however.
"HimalaSalt," or "HIM à la Salt" starring Shailene Woodley ("The Descendents") and Eric Bana ("The Time Traveler's Wife") is the stirring story of a girl growing up in rural Pennsylvania who discovers that all the salt from the local salt factory actually comes from her father's active sweat glands. Directed by Spike Jonze, so you know critics will jack off all over it.
"La Masrojana" is the latest travelogue film from Woody Allen, where he directs a handsome man (Hugh Jackman) to act all "Woody Allen-y" and inevitably bed some amazingly hot Latin women (Sofia Vergara, Penelope Cruz and Eva Mendes). And once again, critics will jack off all over it. Rated PG-13 for Latin sexual situations.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, March 30, 2009
Fresh Direct Monday: Chicken and Cheese Cannelloni, or How To Burn The Everloving Shit Out of Your Mouth
Our week of bad begins today with a sampling of Italian food from the vending machine on 21. Now, much fanfare had been given to this new machine. Tabletents, easel boards, and flyers were everywhere, begging people to try this new fantastic food.
A quick elevator ride to 21 showed that the advertising hadn't really worked, because the kitchen was pretty much empty. Well, it was a nice day out, so let's give Fresh Direct the benefit of the doubt.
The selections were easy to read and very straightforward. From Presto Italiano, I had the choice of Classic Chicken Parmesan & Spaghetti, Chicken & Cheese Cannelloni w/Pesto & Spinach, and Lobster Ravioli w/ Classic Vodka Sauce & Basil. I decided on the Chicken & Cheese Cannelloni because it had the most ampersands.
Since the dish was $7.95, you can't pay in cash. Instead, the machine wants you to perpetuate the vicious cycle of debt that you've gotten yourself trapped into ever since your student loans.
A quick pop into the microwave, set for 3 minutes, and we'll have food!
During the three minutes, I took the liberty to read up on the nutritional facts about the entrée I was about to sample. 580 calories?! Shit, that's like 2.5 cheeseburgers.
And despite it having 1320 mg of sodium, I had an inkling that I would still need salt.
And once I popped that in my mouth, a volcano of pain shot up through my forehead. A spike of magma pierced both eyeballs and turned my throat to ash. In my haste to try the food, I forgot my college training to LET MICROWAVED FOOD SIT OUT FOR A MINUTE. Big duh.
But once the cannelloni had cooled down, I tasted it again, and it wasn't much better than the physical pain. It had hints of pesto and spinach, and it was technically shaped like a cannelloni, but tastewise, it was like a pesto gorilla devoured a raw chicken and then blew his nose into a cannelloni dishrag.
Overall rating: F
A quick elevator ride to 21 showed that the advertising hadn't really worked, because the kitchen was pretty much empty. Well, it was a nice day out, so let's give Fresh Direct the benefit of the doubt.
The selections were easy to read and very straightforward. From Presto Italiano, I had the choice of Classic Chicken Parmesan & Spaghetti, Chicken & Cheese Cannelloni w/Pesto & Spinach, and Lobster Ravioli w/ Classic Vodka Sauce & Basil. I decided on the Chicken & Cheese Cannelloni because it had the most ampersands.
Since the dish was $7.95, you can't pay in cash. Instead, the machine wants you to perpetuate the vicious cycle of debt that you've gotten yourself trapped into ever since your student loans.
A quick pop into the microwave, set for 3 minutes, and we'll have food!
During the three minutes, I took the liberty to read up on the nutritional facts about the entrée I was about to sample. 580 calories?! Shit, that's like 2.5 cheeseburgers.
And despite it having 1320 mg of sodium, I had an inkling that I would still need salt.
And once I popped that in my mouth, a volcano of pain shot up through my forehead. A spike of magma pierced both eyeballs and turned my throat to ash. In my haste to try the food, I forgot my college training to LET MICROWAVED FOOD SIT OUT FOR A MINUTE. Big duh.
But once the cannelloni had cooled down, I tasted it again, and it wasn't much better than the physical pain. It had hints of pesto and spinach, and it was technically shaped like a cannelloni, but tastewise, it was like a pesto gorilla devoured a raw chicken and then blew his nose into a cannelloni dishrag.
Overall rating: F
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
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