This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Squalor is the new gold penthouse. I guess it's more real, but it looks like all of them are realizing that Domino's Pizza doesn't deliver to the hood.

The prop and costume house told them they could grab a maximum of 4 items and only had 30 seconds to do it.

Probably not smarter than a fifth grader.

"Wait, I'm sure I parked on the level with the giraffe. Or was it a hippo? Hey, what happened to my shirt?!"

Goofy grins with dorky outfits are the new intense game faces with smoke billowing out of their mouths.

Heyyyy.

Great holy... perfect. Leave as is.

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about Heckyl and Jeckyll with big booty thongs.

Accessories not included: pen and paper, microphone, talent

Decades later, this man would be wrapping his arms around Martha Stewart and loving it.

Andrew Dice Clay Is Still Doing It

The following are transcribed from a January performance at the Funny Bone Comedy Club in Omaha City, Nebraska:

"Yankee Doodle came to town
riding on a pony,
stuck a feather in some chick's pussy
and she got toxic shock syndrome! Ooooohhhhhhhhh!"

"This little piggy went to market,
this little piggy stayed home,
this little piggy had roast beef,
and this little piggy ate some broad out in a Port-a-John and got Hepatitis C! Boom! UnbeLIEVABLE!"

"Hey Diddle Diddle...
Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC would like to you to sit right over there! Let me tell ya, ShabbadabbaDOOM!"

"Little Bo Peep, lost her sheep,
and didn't know where to find them.
Hey, bitch, who told you to leave the kitchen in the first place? Go make me a sandwich, because you're a woman, and you're supposed to do those things! Ooooohhhhhhhhh!"

"There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
she had so many children, she didn't know what to do.
I know what you can do, lady. You should keep your legs crossed from now on, because you obviously are promiscuous and should be ostracized for being sexually active, because we men have a double standard when it comes to sexual behavior like that! Am I right, fellas? Boom! Helllll yeah!"

"Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,
why am I obscure now, but other shitty comedians like Dane Cook and Larry The Cable Guy are literally filling up stadiums? Ooooohhhhhhhhh!"

That Mirror Returns

I was watching the independent movie "Catfish," when I came across a familiar looking mirror:


Now, this looked pretty similar to a crappy clock mirror that I found in my new house, and at a sushi place near my parent's house.


Not to mention a crappy mirror I spotted in the movie "Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans."


What does it all mean? Is it some odd coincidence that I've noticed this mirror so many times? Is it some cosmic joke the universe is playing on me? Is that mirror somehow following me after I had thrown it away? Shit if I know, man. That mirror's still ugly, whatever the answer is.