Showing posts with label i ching. Show all posts
Showing posts with label i ching. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

More Dialogue From Movies I Haven't Seen

I have seen a lot of movies. A LOT. Yes, even "Zombeavers." But I ain't seen these yet. Here's what I imagine their characters saying:


Jennifer Lopez voiceover: "This is my life. This is who I am. This is my story, told for the first time. This is the real me, not the lies that the tabloids tell, but the lies my publicists tell."


Steven: "Excuse me, front desk, can I get a bucket of ice for myAAAAAAAAUUHHHHHHHH!"



Liam Neeson: "Jenny? Jenny? Where are you?"


Liam Neeson: "Well, I'm glad to have you back home, Jenny. Jenny? Are you there? Yoo hoo!"



Liam Neeson: "Jenny. Seriously, where the fuck do you keep running off to?"


"Hey, Dad. I'm Iron Man."
"What in the sam shit are you talking about, boy?"


Gerard Depardieu: "Get owff MAH prow-pair-TEE!"

Monday, November 17, 2014

How To Consult the I Ching Using A Chick-Fil-A Catering Menu


If you ever find yourself in a Chick-Fil-A in need of some sort of ancient oracle to answer a vital life question, look no further than Chick-Fil-A's own catering menu!



You'll find that the platters have been arranged in such a way to correspond with some of the many trigram configurations found in the original I Ching: The Book of Changes. So cast your three coins, ask a spiritual question, and look for the answer, courtesy of the Home of the Original Chicken Sandwich!


Chick-Fil-A Nuggets Tray = QIAN (Heaven)

The Chick-Fil-A Nuggets Tray represents the YANG energy of the universe: the Father, Sun and Fire Element. It also comes with cheesy ranch dressing for dipping.


Chick-Fil-A Chicken Salad Sandwich Tray = LI (Fire)

The Chick-Fil-A Chicken Salad Sandwich Tray can refer to the fire of the human mind and to the fire of the mind of Tao. The fire of the human mind refers to the many desires and emotions that veil the Original Spirit. This does not imply that the chicken salad within is spicy in any way.


Chick-Fil-A Chicken Cool Wrap Tray = KUN (Earth)

The Chick-Fil-A Chicken Cool Wrap Tray is the YIN to the YANG of the Chick-Fil-A Nuggets Tray. The Chick-Fil-A Nuggets Tray is firm and the Chick-Fil-A Chicken Cool Wrap Tray is yielding, They are fitted to embrace each other. They also go well together for corporate outings.


Chick-Fil-A Cool Wrap and Chicken Salad Sandwich Tray = KAN (Water)

Although the original I Ching never combined the parts of the YIN and YANG to create KAN, the Chick-Fil-A Cool Wrap and Chicken Salad Sandwich Tray resembled the configuration of the glyphs most closely. Turns out the KAN has its own complementing opposite: LI, represented by the Chick-Fil-A Chicken Salad Sandwich Tray, although the Chick-Fil-A Chicken Salad Sandwich Tray is half represented in KAN, which doesn't make any sense. Jesus, this whole thing really falls apart...


Chick-Fil-A Chick-N-Strips Tray = DUI (Lake)

Pass.