This Week In Chicago Whatever

 The following are plot summaries from this week's episodes:

Chicago P.D.

Sergeant Wilford finally finds his service weapon in a beanbag chair. The openly homophobic coffee vendor meets his match with Dylan and Gordy. Special appearance by Janeane Garofalo as police brutality protestor Bella Valimus.

Chicago Med

A coma patient wakes up and can only speak in Portuguese. Three med students agree to a polyamorous relationship. Dr. Galloway thinks his new mirror sunglasses look pretty fly.

Chicago Fire

A high school conducts a fire drill that turns into a real fire, which confuses the fire department. Driver Engineer Kevin challenges the younger EMS crew to a dance-off. Dispatcher Sophie shows off her knowledge of Emily Bronte poetry.

A List Of Subjects That "Club Bangers" Mention In Their Lyrics In Order Of Descending Frequency

 

• Having a good time
• Forgetting about your troubles
• "The club"
• Putting one's hands up
• The dance floor (getting on/evacuating)
• Shaking one's posterior
• The weekend/the fact that it's Friday
• Being inebriated
• Thanking the DJ
• Apathy about tomorrow/the future
• Turning things out
• Bottles
• One's cell phone
• Girls/models at aforementioned club
• Partying all night
• Whether or not the place is "jumping"
• Cheating on your significant other
• Pitbull
• The large amount of money that one has
• The Lost Colony of Roanoke and how 115 settlers disappeared from Roanoke Island in present day North Carolina in 1590, leaving the only clue- the word "CROATOAN" carved on a nearby tree.

Found On the Complimentary iPad In Four Seasons, Los Angeles

Old People Don't Give a Shit.

They just don't. What are you gonna do about it, whippersnapper? Were you in Korea? Have you ever sailed a skiff in the Pacific? Did you ever finger Debbie Reynolds? Cuz they have.

Goddam youth. PULL UP YER PANTS!

Bonus Points:

When it rains, it pours shorter and fatter

the following is another SFVOSP entry by Andrew Gall:

I once again spotted my nemesis, Mr. Wood as I lollygagged in this morning.

A few things were consistent with yesterday's encounter: green button up shirt w/ jeans, presumably Tommy Hilfiger. Second: carrying of plastic bag which presumably contained his lunch. Didn't have time to notice footwear, as I was too busy fumbling with my camera, which resulted in the above ass shot. As I walked into the elevator, my camera flashed, startling at least 6 people. I mumbled something about it being early in the morning and went about my business. I don't think anyone was the wiser.

Mr. Wood, simply put, I'm starting to dislike you. Although you did have a briefcase today, your wardrobe and mannerisms were too much like yesterday. Shall our paths cross again and you're wearing another goddamn green shirt, I may have to say something.

This marks the first occasion that any human being has ever spotted the SFVOSP in consecutive days, thus earning Andrew the newly-forged Platinum Mollusk award.