Kid Slide Was Panicked.

Kid Slide was panicked.

Wall Plug envied his brother's beard.

Tile Wall was apathetic.

FIFA Logo was screaming as he melted.

Cloud was !

Squidward was depressed.

Schoolbus Headlight's eyes hurt.

Neighbor's Door envied his brother's Van Dyck.

Group Chat icon was just sad.

New Segment: Package Labels Behind The Scenes

The following packages all have distinctive imagery, so much so that EADJ went behind the scenes to find out what the process was to arrive at these memorable labels:

"Okay, X. I know you're a legendary rapper with a solid street rep, but do you think you could look more like you're smelling the Hot Pocket and maybe giving it a little respect?"

"I hate working with you."

"I hate working with you, too. But it's a paycheck. So suck it up, baby."

"Okay, we need a baby with a possibly mixed ethnic background– someone you couldn't just peg as 'Asian' or 'black.' I know, that's totally racist, but... WHOA, Amber, is that your baby??? He'd be perfect for this!!!!"

"All right, now hold the inhaler up to your face without bringing it all the way up... yes, and cock your head to the side like you're a cool mom and this is no big deal... nice... Hey, are you busy after this shoot? You wanna get some coffee?"

"Wait a minute for the fucking butterfly to land; we have low exposure lighting here. Okay, aaaand... FUCK! It flew off again! Put more of that fucking sugar water on the surface. It's coming back... and... FUCKING FUCK!"

Alice Gainer Searches For The Clown Who Murdered Her Father

It is late in the city. Okay, 6:03 pm isn't that late. But it's dark in the city. And Alice Gainer continues to drive the darkened streets of all five boroughs to track down Huckleberry, the madman clown who savagely bludgeoned her father with a rubber chicken so many years ago.

The wounds have not healed with time. Alice Gainer can still smell the greasepaint; she can still hear the jolly chuckles from Huckleberry's grin as he endlessly beat her father with that rubber chicken.

Her father could have just either said stop or stepped to one side, she thought, but that wasn't like her father. He took his licks like a man.

Alice Gainer will not stop until justice is served. Until Huckleberry is behind bars and paying dearly for what he did, she will continue combing the streets and shaking down informants to find that elusive clown.

Toss that Meat, Pass that Puck!

Although hockey has never been Joel's favorite game, his name has become synonymous with the sport. The Eastern AAA Hockey League has announced that Michigan has begun a new team, The Saginaw Joeldickeaters. The Kawkawlin Community Center will be home to the Saginaw "JD'eaters," and Joel himself will be on hand during the induction ceremony on Friday to lend support and eat plenty of mulleted dick. Also at the ceremony will be Roger Ebert, Larry "Bud" Melman, that rap group that did that "Laffy Taffy" song, Nascar great Jeff Gordon, Don Chelberg, Greg St. George, Phil Hartman, Danny Glover, and the surviving members of The Ramones. They are also scheduled to reveal the official team logo at the ceremony, but we at EADJ have an exclusive sneak peek:

What this means for the Saginaw Bay area is huge: hundreds of jobs will be created just for the maintenance and operation of the arena alone. And one lucky sumbitch will get to dress up like Joel every night and eat a plethora of Midwestern pee-pee. It's a win-win situation, y'all!

(pictured above, "Hey, why don't you and I get out of this pharmacy and get a room?")