Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of January 9

The Twitterverse uses a lot of hashtags. And here are some of them that even its dumbest denizens have refused to use. Help yourself, idiot:

#ponymeat

#buttholejarts

#ginghamcondoms

#ilikeAnnWilsonfat

#underarmbiscuits

#BetsyRossupskirtphotos

#DCcinematicuniverse4life

#Carebaresdemandhumansacrifice

#explainingSuckMyKisstoyourmom

#KoolAidtouchedmeinappropriately

#TheSusanBKomenRaceForOperationalCosts

Let's Meet Your Instructors!

Welcome once again to Anchorsville Continuing Education. We are so glad you've decided to spend $200 and the next few weeks with us at one or several of our unique enrichment programs! Now that you've attended the Main Orientation, let's get to meet your new instructors here at Anchorsville Continuing Education:

Enrollment is still open until November 20!

A Nocturnal Wedding Tip For Jessica

A figure in the shadows gives Jessica a Wedding Tip.

Let's Kick the EADJ Mail Sack Out of Bed After Sex, Saying We Have a Big Meeting At Work Tomorrow!

Submitted by J'Net, a long and filthy email that she received when she was in college at Winthrop University in South Carolina (It's worth the read).

Eating Dick and Naming Joel

"Joel, no. Don't touch that. That's not for you."

"Joel, come here. We're just here to make a deposit at the bank... JOEL. COME HERE. Don't start wandering or we'll never be able to find you."

"Hold my hand, Joel. Joel. Joel. Hold my hand, Joel. No, put that pen down. No, that's not for you, Joel. Joel."

"No, don't put the pen in your mouth, Joel. Joel. It's dirty. No. NO. JOEL. PUT DOWN THE PEN."

"That isn't a pen? What is that, Joel?"

"Put that dick down, Joel. You don't know where it's been. Take that dick out of your mouth THIS MINUTE, Joel. Don't make me tell you twice. JOEL!"

"Take that nice man's dick out of your mouth, Joel. I'm so sorry, sir. He's really not... JOEL. PUT THAT MAN'S DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH."

"JOEL."

"Joel, don't put another dick in your mouth. You just finished that other one."

"Stop it, Joel. Stop fondling the balls. Stop. Stop it right now! Stop teabagging the nice bank manager's balls. NO, JOEL."

"No. Joel. No. No. NO. NO. NO! You're going to ruin your appetite!"

"Do you not want to go to McDonald's after the bank, Joel? I guess you don't if you keep eating dick in the bank. No, you can't cry now. No, Joel. I warned you. I told you not to eat dick. Are you happy now, Joel? This was your doing. I'm very disappointed in you today, so you can cry all you want."

(pictured above, a student product design at Columbia College is inspired by two gophers fucking)