A birthday candle display at a nearby DQ trumpets "The Magic of Cakes":
Kind of an overpromise, ya think, DQ? Cakes are great, but let's be realistic here.
• Have cakes ever significantly canceled student debt in any part of the country?
• No cakes in the past 50 years have ever de-escalated a hostage situation.
• Fish: Yummy; Fish cakes: I'll pass
• In 99.99% of marriages that have ended up failing, a cake was at the wedding.
• Firearms ballistics experts have calculated that even the thickest layer cake cannot stop a .38 bullet.
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