Alex Jones's crack team of conspiracy writers have been gracious enough to share with us another exclusive sneak peek at shows they're working on. Here's what to expect in the coming weeks:
• Chore Boy scrubber pads are "Big Copper's" trick to get you into buying more copper.
• It turns out the Matrix is real and THE REAL WORLD IS THE SIMULATION! WAKE UP PEOPLE or GO TO SLEEP or something!
• Rage Against the Machine is a prefab band created by boy band guru Lou Pearlman to cater to more rebellious teens
• Ironically, RFID chips are inserted into every episode of CHiPs to spy on you.
• Every time a server at El Torito offers you "fresh guacamole", decline because it's actually a trick to get you to surrender your civil rights. (needs work)
• Neon signs don't actually contain neon gas but the souls of aborted babies, and every time a sign blinks, it hurts them.
• Everyone who works or has ever worked at a Zales jewelry store are werewolves.
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