Wednesday, February 6, 2019

The Consumer Electronics Show 2019: What To Expect


A few months from now, industry leaders will be announcing the latest, most cutting edge electronics for consumers. Here's a sneak peek at what's in store at the convention:

• a Pringles can- WITH BLUETOOTH!
• Red Roof Inns will introduce beds that scan for sexually transmitted diseases the moment you finish having extramarital sex in one
• Digital Kayla- all the features of Kayla, except with digital clarity and speed
• The triumphant announcement of Internet Explorer 56
• Some VR bullshit, but now with new bullshit
• Tim Cook will weep in a corner and not take any questions
• A USB stick you can stab someone in prison with
• Free "Huawei or the Highway" t-shirts
• Confused appearance by the cast of "Supernatural"

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