It is common knowledge that Hollywood has run out of ideas. Reboots, prequels, sequels, and reimaginings of existing properties have been exhausted, forcing the major studios to scour every last inch of the country for something, anything to put in theaters. And recently, they have found a treasure trove of script ideas from some gumball machines at a northbound Maryland rest stop. Here are the feature films you can expect in theaters soon:
"Lucky Lucky Me!" starring Ed Helms, Rose Byrne and Jack Black
Three childhood friends make a pact to share the winnings from a lottery ticket if one of them ever wins. 30 years later, the driftless loser (Jack Black) hits the $10 billion jackpot, now pursued relentlessly by the other two. Directed by Seth Rogan.
"Mega Blast" starring Gaten Matarazzo, Lawrence Fishburne, Nolan Gould, and Tessa Thompson.
Some kids at space camp learn that their math skills are needed when an earthbound meteor threatens to collide with the planet and end all life. Also starring Michelle Trachtenberg as the mathletes' tutor.
"Bananarama" starring Benicio Del Toro, Naya Rivera, and Benjamin "Lil' P-Nut" Flores, Jr.
Some researchers in the deepest jungles of Colombia discover some mutated bananas that cause wild, hilarious hallucinations. They decide to market them as candy to children in an effort to bring capitalism to its knees. Directed by Patty Jenkins.
"Chewy Spree: A Star Wars Story" starring Peter Mayhew, Anthony Daniels, and Sofia Coppola.
This standalone adventure follows Chewbacca and C-3PO as they navigate the lush shopping markets of Canto Bight to find a jewel to gift Princess Leia. Directed by George Lucas.
"Cry Baby Guts" starring Amber Heard, Kumail Nanjiani, Winston Duke, and Dolly Parton.
A pediatric hospital is exposed to a nearby toxic waste dump, creating hordes of angry zombie babies who will stop at nothing to suck at a warm teat. Directed by Adam Wingard.
"Hi-Bouncing Balls" featuring the voices of James Deen, Sasha Grey, Ron Jeremy, Stoya, and Peter North.
This pornographic animated film is the story of a pair of basketball player's testicles who want more out of life. Like pussy and ass. Directed by Stormy Daniels and Brad Bird.
"SquishLand" starring Millie Bobby Brown, Jonah Hill, and Kiki Layne.
This gross-out adventure comedy is little more than a series of shots of people stepping on gooey animals. Pretty stupid, really. Directed by James Corden.
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