Wednesday, August 3, 2016


I want you to read the next sentence and take it in like it just plum knocked your mother off her horse: Everything that ever gets done probably had a meeting.

I know, we all hate meetings. We think they're a waste of time and counterproductive blah blah blah, but we need to recognize the importance of sitting down and sussing out details before creating, launching or executing something. Anything. Meetings, for better or worse, are how we get things done.

Here now are a list of things that you never realized involved a meeting:

• The color of a Thighmaster's handles (red)

• How to effectively carve George Washington's nostrils for Mount Rushmore without killing anyone

• The Brazzers logo

• What type of rope to hang Saddam Hussein with

• Who Katy Perry should date next

• What sort of sounds a Shmoo would make

• How much bush Playboy magazine should show monthly

• The brilliant title of the sequel to "Lavalantula."

• Whether there should be yet another verse to "Hotel California" or whether Don and Joe should just play till it fades out

• Whether the Scrubbing Bubbles should have penises or not (they don't)

• The color of E.T.'s eyes (blue)

• The unfortunate release date of Damien Marley's album "Halfway Tree" (Sept. 11, 2001)

• The naming of American Cheese

• Deciding how many words Kim Carnes gets to sing in USA For Africa's "We Are The World" (two)

• Whether or not to make a black reboot of "Uncle Buck" as a TV show (yes)

No comments: