Greetings, all. This is Gordon from corporate.
No, none of you are in trouble, but it been brought to my attention that this office has been slightly behind the cycle in doing timesheets. Now, being the fiscal bulldog that I am, I had to contact you all directly to stress the importance of DOING YOUR FUCKING TIMESHEETS EVERYDAY. Projects due in an hour? Stop and do your timesheet anyway. Late for a hot date night with your husband? Who cares. Do your timesheet. Building on fire? You can do your timesheets from your phone. Really, there is NO EXCUSE.
Here are this week's timesheets, which I expect you all to fill out by EOD (especially you, Myers):
447553: Pumping up the jam
302404: Filling your laugh lines with cocaine
009261: Taking a kid to Build A Bear Workshop and not buying anything
920427: Slam dunkin' hoes
210749: Inventing and developing the toothpaste jelly donut
820455: Binge watching all 63 seasons of "All My Children"
397576: Honking all over this chick's funbags
631223: Returning Ann Taylor Loft merchandise at a regular Ann Taylor store
342855: Pausing your shit fit for a coffee run
111111: Realizing that making a "duck bill" with Pringles in your mouth is not unique
577321: Finding someplace to unload your Better Than Ezra CDs
492003: Saving Lois Lane for the fucking umpteenth time
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