Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Some Hollywood Movies Based On Dick Pills Found At 7-Eleven

Hollywood studios continue to scour every aspect of society to create the next blockbuster. The major studios have recently descended on a rack of virility pills on a 7-Eleven counter to green-light the next "When Harry Met Sally" or "Avengers." Here now are the four feature films being released in 2016:

(It should be mentioned here that none of these proposed movies are a sequel, reboot, or "re-imagining" of any existing intellectual property, save the aforementioned dick pills.)

"Yesss!" starring Adam Scott and Will Ferrell. Directed by Jay Roach.

A disgraced motivational speaker (Ferrell) pairs up with a small time white collar criminal (Scott) to launch a "positive thinking" seminar in Reno. Sam Huntington stars as FBI agent James Hellno who suspects this is all a big heist. Craig Robinson shows up a few times.

"Fast Acting Pocket; Long Lasting Rocket" starring Vin Diesel, Sean Bean and Sofia Vergara. Directed by Roger Donaldson ("The World's Fastest Indian.")

A pickpocket (Diesel) pairs up with a world-renowned rocket scientist (Bean) to create an automobile that steals money at 500mph on one tank of vegetable oil. Sofia Vergara stars as the bored millionaire who befriends the pair in the desert.

"The Black Stallion" starring Hoyt Axton, Mickey Rooney and Teri Garr. Directed by Carroll Ballard.

While traveling with his father, young Alec becomes fascinated by a mysterious Arabian stallion who is brought on board and stabled in the ship he is sailing on. When it tragically sinks both he and the horse survive only to be stranded on a desert island. He befriends it, so when finally rescued, both return to his home where they soon meet Henry Dailey, a once-successful trainer. Together they begin training the stallion to race against the fastest horses in the world.

"Bottoms Up" starring Jesse Eisenberg, Mo'Nique, Jackée, and Sir Ben Kingsley. Directed by Colin Trevorrow ("Jurassic World")

A struggling, alcoholic movie studio executive (Eisenberg) meets two Zumba instructors at Curves (Mo'Nique & Jackée) and learns their secret to landing a man, using that as a blueprint to find the next blockbuster hit for the studio boss (Kingsley). Visual effects by Industrial Light & Magic.

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