Kreppuspilið x Three!

 

 It's been exactly 3 years and 28 days since they played it last, so it's time once again to play Kreppuspilið!

Joel and his chimp servant Chad Yarborough cleaned off the coffee table, hid their shoes, and cracked open the ol' board game Kreppuspilið, and since Joel was once again the victor, he got to roll first. Here is a brief run-down of the game (which is still in progress):


• Joel had built up four huts and a tent, but it still wasn't enough for the onslaught of prostitutes (usually requiring five huts) in the "speed round." Joel lost 40 points to this miscalculation.

• Joel's chimp servant shat in a bottle of hand sanitizer, thus crowning his piece into a Duke. He now gets to move his piece diagonally and can even jaywalk without getting a ticket.

• After drawing a "sawmill" card, Joel has to move to Jerome, Arizona and actually build a working sawmill facility where logs are cut into boards. But since most local sawmills there already cut 18" X 3/4" boards, Joel must retool his equipment to cut the less standard 18" X 1/2" board. How he fares on this task will affect how many bonus points he earns this round.

 

• Joel's chimp servant must take a grapefruit and slice it in as many pieces as necessary to make it look like a human vagina. How closely the grapefruit will resemble the vagina of former "Today Show" host Ann Curry will not affect his final score. Not really sure why we mentioned Ann Curry at all there.

• The director of the movie "Dust Belt" is asked to speak to Joel and his chimp servant about the proper etiquette when losing a turn. Like the honor code that the protagonist in the movie "Dust Belt" lived by, one is never supposed to reveal disappointment in defeat. Instead, they are to laugh heartily and pee a little in their shorts.

 

 • After round 199, Joel and his chimp servant switch places, so that Joel now does all the dusting and cooking around the apartment, and his chimp servant now writes terrible screenplays about pilgrims or scarecrows or whatever the hell characters he's writing about now.

• A box full of unbleached malt appears at the front door. Whatever its connection to the progress of the game remains a mystery, although the shipping manifest says it was ordered FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!

More updates in the coming months as this rousing game of “Kreppuspilið” develops.