Since the date is the 19th AND the moon tonight will be waning crescent, it's time for Joel to sit down with his chimp servant Chad Yarborough with a couple of bottles of Ting and play a relaxing game of Kreppuspilið!
To keep his legendary Kreppuspilið winning streak, Joel must be both prepared and flexible. Here at EADJ we offer a few strategies for tonight's exciting game:
• When rolling the Luck Bones, flick slightly with your wrist so that they have a chance to land on "milkshake." You don't want them to land on "pus" again.
• Hold your Kreppuspilið "Power" cards until four rounds in so that your chimp servant Chad Yarborough uses his up to collect all the magpies. Then, when he draws a card, throw down your hand and karate chop his groin!
This should help explain some of these strategies
• If the Domino's Pizza guy shows up while it's your turn, you may force him to take his shirt off and reenact the scene from "Ghost" with you. That's not in the rulebook or anything- just something to try. Insist on being Demi.
• Don't be obsessed with the scoreboard. The best Kreppuspilið players play on instinct, guts, balls, nerve, chutzpah, and a little something called mojo. Unless you're losing.
• Your chimp servant is wily. Don't get up to pee without taking the entire playing board with you into the pee shed. And while we're on the subject, pace yourself when drinking your Ting.
• Move your game piece carefully. The board favors those who are cautious, rewarding the best players with points and punishing the reckless with free tickets to movies starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds as two people who hate each other but pretend to be engaged in order to keep their jobs but end up falling in love anyway due to circumstances beyond their control.
• This probably doesn't mean to be said, but eat plenty of dick while playing. When you're undernourished, you tend to be dull and unfocused. Believe us, we've read some of your screenplays. ZING!
• Have fun, Joel!
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