Do You Like Movies? And Do You Enjoy Imposing Your Belief System On Completely Unrelated Things?

This insert was in a recent issue of Metro, a free New York newspaper, advertising "God On Film:"

"DISCOVER THE MEANING BEHIND THE BIGGEST MOVIES OF THE SUMMER!"

This week: "Prometheus." A group of scientists touch down on LV-223 to find the origin of humankind and instead find horrific xenomorphs who kill everyone on board but it's okay if they had accepted Jesus Christ as their personal savior because they'll be going to Heaven regardless. Not considered a prequel to "Alien" but gimme a break because just look at it.

"The Amazing Spider-Man" Peter Parker is a lonely, isolated boy whose parents inexplicably left him and who feels personally responsible for the death of his Uncle Ben, but it's okay if Ben had accepted Jesus Christ as his personal savior because he'll be going to Heaven regardless. Meanwhile, family friend Dr. Curt Connors' attempts at regaining a lost limb results in him trying to turn all of the citizens of New York into lizards, which would be okay if everyone there had accepted Jesus Christ as their personal savior because they'll be going to Heaven regardless.

"The Dark Knight Rises" We don't want to give away any "spoilers" about this highly anticipated blockbuster, but suffice to say that Bruce Wayne has nothing to fear if he has accepted Jesus Christ etc. etc. do you get the gist of this bit yet.

"Total Recall" In this unnecessary reboot, Colin Farrell plays Arnold Schwarzenegger and Kate Beckinsale plays Sharon Stone. They attempt to kill each other, which is a serious sin, but if they accept Jesus Christ as their personal savior before either getting killed or after having killed the other, they'll be going to Heaven regardless.

Coming This Fall: Which Beanie Babies are approved by John The Baptist and will go to Heaven?